rainbow warrior

I am from clean paved roads, from Starbucks lattes and organic vegetables.

I am from the warm and cozy yet sheltered life of Scottsdale, Arizona.

I am from the cactus, desert sunsets and hot sweltering weather of the valley sunshine.

I am from the long Sunday lunches filled with salad and laughter, jazz music and pool time chaos.

I am from the Jon, and the Joan, the Josh and the Joel. All marked by a letter J, yet all distinguished and remarkable.

I am from a town envious to some, too often unappreciated by those who inhabit it. Where White was the only color of choice, diversity marked by the surrounding territories.

I am from rich Jewish traditions, Friday night dinners marked by candlelight and feasting, prayers and community.

I am from best friends and lost lovers, times of rebirth and moments of joy. Schools filled with possibility, knowing it was us who had the potential.

I am from summers spent in beachy San Diego, sitting in the car waiting to get home. Washing the sand off my toes and laying by the porch.

I am from celebrated holidays, unforgettable moments, and a childhood I begged not to end.

A girl smiles at where she is from. I am that girl, that girl is me.

Well I made my way back down to the valley
Right on past 83rd street
That’s where we once belonged
But I’m gone
I swear I’m long gone

So give it up, throw your hats in the air
And change just as they land,
you’re saying “We’ll get out of here”
Something tells me that you’re too scared to go

So the stairs that you could climb
Are the ones you’ve left behind
And your eyes light up when we talk about the past
God, I miss those songs we used to sing
Talking like getting away would be the greatest thing
Well me, I got out,
And you, you kept singing to me
Like that’s really going to set this free

So give it up, throw your hats in the air
And change just as they land
You’re saying, “We’ll get out of here”
Something tells me that you’re too scared to go

Like a ghost
You’ve been haunting all these dusty old roads and old homes
The ones we swore we’d never go, oh oh

As for Joe
Oh I’ve seen him around
Then there’s Adam
He’s afraid to go out
I don’t blame him, I just wanted to go out to eat

Then there’s Mark
God damn, I wish him the best
We were kids back then, as if we could progress
Sometimes I, I just can’t sleep
Thinking of everything we could have been so

So give it up, throw your hats in the air
And change just as they land
You’re saying, “We’ll get out of here”
Something tells me that you’re too scared to go

So give it up, throw your hats in the air
And change just as they land
You’re saying, “We’ll get out of here”
Something tells me that you’re too scared to go

I’m in the Archipelago and I’m waiting to arrive.
I’m in the Archipelago and I know I’m still alive.
You finally told me where you had been thinking for so long.
And it breaks my heart wide open but I know that I’ll be stronger next time.

So goodbye my love,
I’ll miss it when it’s gone.
Goodbye my love,
the ship is shipping on.
Goodbye my love,
I’ll give it up into the fog.
Goodbye my love,
I think I knew it all along.

I’m in the Archipelago and I’m waiting to arrive.
I’m in the Archipelago and I know I’m still alive.
You finally told me where you had been thinking for so long.
And it breaks my heart wide open but I know that I’ll be stronger next time.

So goodbye my love,
I’ll miss it when it’s gone.
Goodbye my love,
the ship is shipping on.
Goodbye my love,
I’ll give it up into the fog.
Goodbye my love,
I think I knew it all along.
I knew it all along.
I knew it all along.

i dont know. i am not a writer. or an intellect. im just me. and i am under-reacting, again. i always imagine how moments will be before they happen, how i will feel when she gets off the plane, when he yells at me again, another temper tantrum, another fist bump. but when the actual event occurs, its not as big as i imagined in my head.

is that why i am not crying right now?